Does My Marriage Make Me Look Fat?



This New York Times Magazine article explores if marriage is good for your health.

In essence it says that a good marriage is good for your health and a bad marriage is not.  Duh.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am healthier, thinner, happier, cuter, kinder and much more productive when I am getting along with my husband.

(So, not being healthy, thin, happy, cute, kind and productive is all my husband's fault?  I thought so.  It couldn't be the Doritos.)


Picture Slide Show


Beyonce Wannabe!

Last night I stayed up really late and channel surfed.  I found Oprah interviewing Geneen Roth author of Women Food and God.

I kind of liked the show and I thought that the message was significant.  As much as I have been obsessing about weight loss and how my emotional barometer drives my pursuit of fitness, this particular show should have been a real attention grabber for me.  But sorry to say, I just wasn't that inspired.  In fact, it had the opposite effect.  During the commercial break I ran to the kitchen to fetch a big bowl of Rice Chex.

This morning a friend forwarded a Anita Renfroe video to me.  Anita Renfroe is a comedian that I discovered several years ago when her William Tell Overture Mom Song became a YouTube sensation.

The video was Anita's interpretation of Beyonce's "Put a Ring on It."  Anita's version?  "If I'd known I would have put some cream on it."  It was hilarious!  The video has since disappeared from the internet.  I'm not going to type a nasty diatribe about conservatives and their lacking sense of humor and how they were probably the ugly driving force behind the removal of this fantastic piece of art.

But, I miss Anita's video.  It was real inspiration for me!

I totally agree with Oprah and Geneen's work.  I need to accept myself just as I am in order to embrace a loving and nurturing lifestyle.  If I see myself as crap, that's exactly how I'll treat myself.  But the thing that Oprah forgot to tell me, which Anita Renfroe did so well, is that I need to lighten up and get a sense of humor about it all!

Today?  It is 2:40pm and, so far, I've eaten beautiful and healthy food, worthy of a Beyonce wannabe!

(Imagine me standing up, walking away from the computer and doing a little Beyonce finger and booty wagging.)

Sabotage























The first woman that I profiled for my writing project, Success In The Suburbs, is my mother-in-law, Ann.  She is also one of the many saboteurs of my weight loss journey.  It isn't just the Valentine's cookies.  I could probably resist them.  (Not really.)

She is that voice in the back of the head that says, "Sacrifice.  Family first.  Big homemade meals mean love."

Do you have someone in your life like that?

Day 76 Attitude

All You Need Is A Supportive Husband?


Today is Day 76 in my journey and it marks my return to Successful Weight Loss In The Suburbs.  I have not recorded my behavior in this blog for five days.  The last time I posted an entry was last Wednesday, Day 70.  I’ve certainly not been a perfect example of health and fitness during my first 70 days but I was a perfect recorder.  I took the time to record each little, and not so little, morsel that entered my mouth and I recorded my exercise, or lack thereof.  

I’m not exactly sure how I let this happen.  This blog has meant so much to me but for the last  few days I've simply been an emotional miracle and I couldn't work.  Either I’m getting my period or my hormones are doing some serious flirting with menopause or my husband actually is an asshole.  

























Yes, it is possible that it is his fault.


When I met this guy in June 1997, I thought he was one of the most interesting people I had ever met and certainly the best kisser.  I was just gaga over him and I didn't hold anything back.  I clearly remember how my body melted into his and cooing that I was made to be with him.   


So when times are tough, like they have been the last few days, he likes to say things like, "Remember when you used to say that you were made to be with me."  


Then I say, "Yes, I remember that and do you remember what you said back to me?"


With plenty of dramatic body language I do my best University of Chicago arrogant intellectual intonation, "Well, you know, Denise, there are over 6.5 billion people on the planet.  Since I'm only interested in relationships with about half of them, you know, the women, and taking into consideration natural restrictions, like time and geography, I guess that it is possible, on a suboptimal level, that you may be the perfect woman for me."  


Yeah, he is probably an asshole.


This weekend we had a conflict.  I was really, really, really mad at him.  We talked, loudly, about the actual conflict, but it was difficult for me to hear anything he said because it was always accompanied by some story about how he made sure that my car had a full tank of gas, good wind shield wipers and tires with special siping.  


I had to look up the word siping.     


He spent the entire weekend reminding me, and God - I'm sure, of all the amazingly sweet, considerate, self sacrificing things that he has done for me and the children and how he always snow blows the neighbors sidewalks, too.    


In turn, and without hesitation, I was able to regale him, everyone in our house, and God - if he was still listening at this point, with real stories that negated, contradicted and usually trumped his good deeds.  Including the fact that he has some Sick Michigan Bred Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor Power Tool Fetish that takes over his body when he gets behind that noisy snow blower and that he can't stop himself.  "You're not snow blowing for ShowPing and Freda.  You're snow blowing those sidewalks because you've got a problem!"  


Today I think we've finally called a truce.  He stopped telling me he is practically the Mesiah and has started rubbing my feet.  (Rubbing, not washing, there is a difference.)  And I'm writing nasty things about him on my blog. 



If you are interested in reading a great article about dysfunctional expectations for marriage, click on this link:  Married (Happily) With Issues.

Day 71 Fitness

Water Aerobics  --  1 hour (in the morning)

I planned to attend a 6:00pm Pilates Reformer Class.  But the difficulty of getting my husband, teen-age son and the terrorists to merge into alignment would have caused the world to implode.  So I didn't attend my class and thus began my personal meltdown.

Day 70 Fitness

No Exercise


A couple of women in my neighborhood have a jewelry business named "Rosie Pickles."  They had a little party today and I attended, instead of exercising.


Day 70 Nutrition

Day 70 Nutrition Plan:
Total portions of protein:   6
Total portions of carbohydrates:   6
Total water:   85 oz or 10 1/2 cups 
Day 70 Nutrition Actual Accomplishments:
Total portions of protein:  5
Total portions of carbohydrates:  4
Total water:  64 oz 

8:00 Breakfast
Leftover Beef Stew
Coffee
16 oz Perrier
12:30 Snack 
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bread at a Party
Starbucks Double Tall Non-Fat Latte
3:00 Snack
2 Hard Boiled Eggs
16 oz Perrier
6:00 Dinner
BBQ Ribs
Broccoli
16 oz Perrier
8:30 Snack
3 Stale Crackers
Lunch Bag Size of Baked Lay’s Chips
16 oz Perrier 

Room For Improvement:  I should have had an evening snack with a nice protein and healthy carb such as ....  I have no idea.  I can't even think of anything that would fit that criteria.  My brain just couldn't do it.  I was totally craving a bag of chips.  I went to Costco today and we have a giant box of Baked Lay's Chips.  For some reason everyone digs in when the box first enters the house but the last three bags can sit and sit and sit until I pawn them off an unsuspecting neighbor kid. 

Since the kids know that I am the self-anointed Queen of the Kitchen, they always ask me before they have a treat and I almost always say, "yes."  So everyone in the house was crunch, crunch, crunching with my blessings.  I just had to join them.  

WebMD.com has an article about the "Best and Worst Bulk Food Buys" and the Baked Lays Box of 30 bags was their choice for the best Chips Lunch Pack.  They used varying criteria for their selections and it is an interesting article even if prices fluctuate.  

You get 30 bags (1 3/8 ounces each) at 1$10.88 or 36 cents per bag.  Each bag has 130 to 170 calories wtih 2 to 5 fat grams, so 14 to 26% of the calories are from fat.




Victory:  Eating leftover beef stew for breakfast made me feel so strong and satisfied.  It was a terribly windy, sleety, yucky weather day. But I was properly fueled for it.  Breakfast food comes in many different shapes and colors.

Day 69 Fitness

Water Aerobics  --  1 hour
Pilates Reformer  --  1 hour

Day 69 Nutrition

Day 69 Nutrition Plan:
Total portions of protein:   6
Total portions of carbohydrates:   6
Total water:   85 oz or 10 1/2 cups 
Day 69 Nutrition Actual Accomplishments:
Total portions of protein:  5
Total portions of carbohydrates:  4
Total water:  64 oz 

8:00 Breakfast
Coffee
32 oz Water
10:30 Snack 
Energizer Protein Shake at Lifetime Cafe
1:00 Lunch at Noodles and Company (with my husband)
8 oz Water
4:00 Snack
16 oz Perrier
6:30 Dinner
Grilled Chicken Tenderloins
Broccoli and Carrots
8 oz Water 
10:00 Snack
Bowl of Pretzels

Room For Improvement:  I didn’t eat breakfast which is a huge huge no no.

I found out this morning that my dear friend, Marcie, had a heart attack on Thanksgiving.  She is at home in Arizona, recovering.  When I learned about this I found myself completely disoriented.  I wrote a note to her husband but I fumbled with my computer to the point of not being able to send the note.  Frustrated, I fumbled my way out the door and went to the health club for my water aerobics class.

Of course I was late.  I apologized to the instructor and my classmates.  “I’m sorry to be late.  This morning I learned that one of my girlfriends had a heart attack.  She is at home and doing fine but I'm a little confused.  She is just 50 years old.”

I hopped into the pool next to a classmate, whom I’ve come to really like.  She said, “Heart attacks are a phenomena of your generation, our generation of women didn’t have as many heart attacks when we were your age.  You are dealing with a completely new level of stress.”

Then she said something about work and children and money and societal pressures but we were jogging in the pool with our legs pulled high and wide, as if we were football players running that tire drill, so I didn’t hear everything perfectly.  But I think I understood her.

I agree with her assessment that, basically, we are wound a bit tighter than they were 30 years ago, but I was curious if her statement was statistically accurate.   Are women having more heart attacks?    

It seems that my water aerobics friend is kind of right.  

Since 1984, the number of women who died from cardiovascular disease deaths has exceeded those for men.  In 2005, 52% of all deaths from cardiovascular disease were women.  That year 454,613 women died from cardiovascular disease, 268,890 died from all forms of cancer, 41,613 died from breast cancer and 69,105 died from lung cancer.  You can download a quick one page report and graph from the American Heart Association here. 

My friend Marcie is healthy and has always been slender.  She played a lot of golf and seems fit.  She doesn’t smoke.  She has an adoring husband and a great relationship with her four grown kids.  When she visited us last September she nursed one glass of red wine (which is supposed to be good for the heart) for two hours.  She’s not a big boozer.  

She sells real estate in Arizona, during our nation's worst real estate market , so that could account for her stress, but Marcie just doesn't seem to be a candidate for heart disease.

I plan to call Marcie tomorrow to wish her well and I am sure that I will learn more about her specific situation.  

When I told my husband about Marcie, I also told him about my friend at water aerobics class who thinks that my generation leads a more stressful existence which might contribute to the statistic that since 1984 more women have died from heart disease than men.  

He said, “Yeah, for years women have been trying to get what men got and now they got what men get.”  

The guy is practically William Shakespeare.



Birthday celebration September 2009 at our house.  We all share birthdays within a few weeks of one another.  Back row:  Marcie and my husband.  Front row: me, my stepdaughter Lizzie and our youngest goofy daughter Randi. 

Victory:  I listened to my body at lunch and I only ate until I was satisfied.  I saved the other half for later in the day.  When I sat at the computer to record my meals I was shocked to learn that the meal that my husband had ordered for me at Noodles and Company had 1100 calories!  Wowza!  I'm sad that I ate the whole thing, but thank goodness I didn't eat the whole thing in one sitting!